Crimes of Compassion....

I'm at a disturbing place right now. A longtime friend and collaborator has finally done what's necessary to earn a permanent place on what my Aunt Erie refers to as "my fecal roster". It took quite awhile, which is mainly my fault. I often have these weird blinders when dealing with people. When someone does or says something unkind, unless it's really blatant, I seldom notice until late in the game. Often too late to save myself from the ramifications.
I've known dude for quite awhile, and we've been pretty cool. We've made a lot of music together. But recently he said something pretty un-supportive. The strange thing is I realized straight on that it was very insensitive behavior. I usually don't, but this particular time it really struck me. It also acted as something as a catalyst. What he said attached itself to every unkind thing this person had ever said or done in the past and I realized that there were quite a few. I realized that this behavior represented a pattern of behavior that I'd subconsciously worked very hard to ignore or explain away with extenuating circumstances or mitigating factors over several years. To my horror, I realized that there had even been points at which I had enabled this pathologically unkind attitude.
Now I recognize that no one has a mandated responsibility to be kind, or helpful, or supportive. But in the case of this person, what I realized is that he often played the role of a person who is kind, helpful, and supportive...until such time as it was necessary to show kindness, help or support! When a crisis came up it's never anything more than "oh sorry to hear that....guess what awesome thing just happened to me! What, you're too busy suffering to cheer my good fortune? Well then you suck!"
In times of relative peace, dude was simply really into himself. However, faced with the trials of others, his indifference was profound and acute. When you walk around playing the role of altruist, that's a messed up way to be. You're lying to the people in your life. Be who you are all the time, so I know you can't be turned to in a time of crisis! The effort you spend pretending is the same effort you'd spend helping someone in need anyway, If you're gonna be working anyway, you might as well work for good.
Ghandi once said "It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence. There is hope for a violent man to become non-violent. There is no such hope for the impotent." You could replace the word violent(ce) with selfish(ness) and replace the word impotent(ce) with indifferent(ce), and this quote would still be just as true.
So what do you do when you realize a friend is not a friend? Especially when there's music involved? That's what I need to figure out. I could have a conversation about it with him but it wouldn't be the first time and the indifference is a matter of public record. I'm interested to see how this plays out. The funny thing is dude probably won't even notice.